Clueless

How I found The Klu Fairy

Posted by Amulets by Merlin on August 6, 2016

In the mid Nineties
I attended a festival called “Starwood”
located in upper state New York.
This festival is a celebration of counter cultures of all kinds,
what ever branch of tree you are up in.
They celebrate life through dance, song, drumming, body painting,
costumes and what have you,
pure fun – for most of us.
Some folks consider it a refuge for the Clueless…

One of the problems we face in our lives
when we choose to work in environments
where people are on vacation.
I discovered this early when I worked in Yosemite in my youth:
people on vacation had spent the better part of a year
grinding away at their jobs
and finely have a week or two to blow off some steam
only to discover that when they packed their suitcase,
the usually forget their common sense.

Starwood is a prime example of this:
only to an extreme.
Perhaps it is the kind of tension we carry within ourselves
while we work so hard only to find release when we have time off.
Perhaps it is the opportunity to spend a few care-fee days
without having to punch a clock.
Perhaps it is because Starwood has a huge bar that never seems to close
(although I actually saw it closed on several occasions,
only to discover that people have bottles stashed in their tents).

Never the less
I found myself for several years attending Starwood,
each year
more and more silliness occurred
in high fashion and full color.
After setting up my booth and living space
(we spent two weeks there,
attending the festival that is the week before Starwood:
Sirius Rising, more of a family event than Starwood)
only to discover that because of the contour of the field
people mistook the break between my tents
as a pathway to the restroom.

Through the day and night
folks stumbled through our encampment,
sometimes even waking through our camp fire
to find relief.
After a couple of days of this and following much debate,
M’Lady Tony decided:

~ she had had enough ~

She sought out a large stick and wrote with a heavy marker
KLU by 4
and drove it into the middle of the now worn path
and glared at the first attempted trudging through our encampment.
The second attempt was made by an unwary,
yet fully bladdered man
only to find M’Lady step up
and threaten him with a sound beating
with a Clue-by-four.
This did not go un-noticed.
I had tried to appease her with a few words
about the vacationing man and his lack of brains in his luggage,
but to no avail.
She was Determined!
Later she decided to post a guard at our “gate”:
a small waif of a girl in a fairy costume
planted herself across the path with the clue-by-four across her knees
and a scowl that would send most smart people running.
There were several people over the days ahead
who found themselves being herded about with the stick
and eventually
(the last two days of such “coaxing”)
we were able to have a meal in our encampment
without dirt flying into our food
due to a hast trip to the lue.

I was Inspired.

The Clue Fairy Amulet

In ’95
(or there-a-bouts)
I introduced to my line of Jewelry
“The Clue Fairy”
She is a tiny yet well detailed creature with tattered wings,
a baseball cap turned around on her head
and shouldering the Clue-by-Four:
ready to give you a clue!
However
I felt that it was not enough.
I also created the Clue Coin.

The Clue Coin

A tiny coin of some girth and a portrait of a clueless “DUDE”
(sometimes referred to as the “Dude Coin”).
Although it is only good for half a clue,
it is well worth carrying.
Many have found that by holding the clue coin on them
they are armed against their offspring:
“Dad, you simply don’t have a clue!”
but indeed they are wrong!
Present them with the coin to prove it!
If you use three coins to roll the I Ching,
you already start with a clue and a half:
fortune is already smiling on you!

Over the past many years
the stories of the clue fairy have become legendary.
I have been able to offer help for the clueless
at science fiction conventions,
festivals and gatherings
through-out the eastern seaboard.
Doing my part to raise the bar
or perhaps waive the clue-by-four about
for those in need!

Other Silly Amulets may be seen at the
Humor Page
created and developed
by Kirk McLaren
of Amulets by Merlin

The Boo Hoo Amulet of Amulets by Merlin

Posted by Amulets by Merlin on December 20, 2015

Posted in: Clueless, Help for the Clueless, Humor. Tagged: Boo Hoo, Clueless, Humor Jewelry, Hyperbole, know-it-all, Silly amulets, silly jewelry, silly pendants. Leave a comment

In my youth I was surrounded by Educators: both of my parents were teaching in Collages and Universities. Because of this I grew to know a number of professors who acted as if they knew everything, and to a youngster it seemed true. There were a number of occasions when at a social gathering of one sort of another I would overhear conversations between these giants of knowledge only to learn there were conflicts between their opinions as to what was “true”. After over hearing many of these over the years I became suspicious as to whether these human embodiments of Wisdom were actually fallible or not. Eventually I pulled my Father aside as asked him about it.

“Well, Son (My Father considered me so bright, he called me “Son”) there are some who know and some who think they know and raise their voices to shout down their inner voices telling themselves they aren’t sure.” Hence forth, I usually took those who raise their voices in debate as folks who are busily trying to convince themselves they are right.

In my adulthood I found a great number of “experts” who tend to voice a topic they either invented or hijacked and became authorities on the subject. I recall a friend of mine referring to these noble birds as “Boo Hoos” and thus the name stuck with me, it tended to become a reference to those who tend to make up stuff as they went along, rather than gleaning wisdom from a reliable source.

When I was on the circuit (attending festivals, events and gatherings of all kinds) I came across a great number of folks who anointed themselves as “experts” on a variety of subjects, mostly Metaphysical and Spiritual, thus the term “Boo Hoo” wound up dressed in Robes and carrying various accoutrements of a noble station. Personally I was concerned because not only they, but a host of other people took them seriously. Much like the self made gurus of the ’60s and ’70s, these “Boo Hoos” became prevalent and nearly worshiped by the uninitiated and inexperienced.

The Boo Hoo Amulet

One night at a science fiction convention called “SheVaCon” (located in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia) I found myself keeping company with my good friend Troy and a bottle of Scotch. We were well into our cups by that time and the subject of the Boo Hoo came up. I attempted to explain the idea to him and low and behold he understood the concept and became a Boo Hoo himself. Like Magic he looked at me with eyes of wisdom and understanding, opened his mouth and sang:

“I am Boo Hoo
I’m all Knowing
I am Speaking
Hot air Blowing
You are Listening
My head Growing
I am Boo Hoo
I am Teaching
Explaining all things
I am Reaching
Inventing new facts
Truth is screeching
I am Boo Hoo
I am Learning
Hearing my errors
My face burning
Students Returning
Stomach churning.

I was speechless. The melody was of a chant I was well familiar with, the words flowed out of him as if it was a well memorized incantation of Wisdom. I had no choice but to ask him his magical name (most Boo Hoos have magical names of one sort or another); and thus he spake unto me his sacred name The Great Sakima.

I was floored, the song ringing in my ears ever since.

Upon returning to my home (and sobriety) I was lost in though and imagined there was a need of greater understanding. I then began the commentary on this most sacred song (most sacred text and songs need a commentary: it is how one person highjacks another’s holy words and adopts them for their agendas). Deep into the night I wrote the translations of these phrases and came up with this:

A Commentary on the Chant of the Boo Hoo

I am Boo Hoo
This is a conformation of one’s Status. Obviously to truly know one’s self, one must face the inevitable. Alas for the Boo Hoo for the office of this sort is a troubled one. Let us examine the Holy Name: Boo Hoo.

Boo:
aside from the most obvious concept that to shout “BOO” to an unsuspecting chap may move one to a state of startled bewilderment; in Chinese the word “boo” translates “no”. In English, this rhymes with “Know” and as we may all agree that the synchronized connection is far too obvious to disclaim. However, if you truly wish to argue the point you are more that welcome to write your own chant.

Hoo:
This is also a revelation that is connected through the language’s mysterious process of rhyming, a manifestation that may be observed through the holy ritual of the Sick Puppy. Hoo is then reviled to be “Who”. So then to place the concepts together then one may discover that a Boo Hoo is indeed an individual that Knows All, although the answer may not be available at the time.

I’m all Knowing:
This point has been examined in the description above. I wish to note here that being all knowing doesn’t mean to know all and doesn’t mean that the Boo Hoo understands anything, hence the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

I am Speaking:
This is the most frequent pass time of the Boo Hoo. It has been said often that if a Boo Hoo isn’t talking, chances are that the Boo Hoo isn’t breathing. This tends to make those that live in the holy presence to develop selected hearing loss.

Hot air Blowing
This is a Mystery of the Boo Hoo. In winter a Boo Hoo in good form has been known to warm entire buildings. Thus: the popularity of attending classes at universities and the full congregation in churches across the world in the colder seasons. Also, transversely many schools tend to close in the summer months due to the excessive heat.

You are Listening:
A rare occasion for the intelligent. Indeed, the process of tagging each and every Boo Hoo is a must to prevent the unsuspecting individual from placing too much weight of one’s world view with out thinking for one’s self.

My head Growing:
Sometimes referred to the Rush of the Boo Hoo. This is highly addictive and stimulating in large quantities. Highly recommended for all to experience as much as possible.

I am Boo Hoo:
This is the reaffirmation again. It is the true mark of a Boo Hoo to drive home a point by repeating one’s self, some times to the point of a drone.

I am Teaching:
It has been often said that those who can’t do: teach (or become critics). Complaining is always a Boo Hoo’s first choice, but at times it is hard to tell the difference between the act of Teaching and the act of Complaining.

Explaining all things:
Again, another mystery of the Boo Hoo. It is not necessary for a Boo Hoo to understand that which he/she is explaining.

I am Reaching:
In order to be able to explain anything a Boo Hoo does not understand takes a bit of far fetched logic.

Inventing new facts:
One of the basic techniques of the Boo Hoo is if one can not quote a reliable source, make one up.

Truth is screeching:
This is an unfortunate by product of the Holy Babble.

I am Boo Hoo:
Although this is some-what monotonous, here we may observe the three stages of Boo Hoo manifestation:
1. The Rush
2. The Flush
3. The Crush

I am Learning:
A most devastating experience for a Boo Hoo. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, this can make a person such as a Boo Hoo a vary perilous individual.

Hearing my errors:
Many a Boo Hoo have self destruct with such an experience as this. Generally, a Boo Hoo must argue all points when faced with Truth. See: Inventing new Facts.

My face burning:
A common manifestation of the Boo Hoo. There are some Boo Hoos that can read by their own countenance, a concept that can not be taken Lightly.

Students Returning:
Usually carrying weapons and instruments of torture. There are some Boo Hoos who have taken to making tours around the country to avoid these incidents. It takes a while for students to figure out that they have been bedazzled only to find the Boo Hoo gone to the next county. Long Tours and Short term Memories are the best combination.

Stomach churning:
It has been said that a powerful Boo Hoo can make butter with the aide of such experiences.
Remember, if you find yourself confronted with a suspected Boo Hoo, check for the caution sign. If you find one, they are probably harmless. It is the un-tagged ones that are the most dangerous!

– The Grand Wazoo

Thus adopting a name from a Frank Zappa Album, I took on a new Boo Hoo name. As my head cleared from all of this hyperberlly, I then decided to create pamphlets of the Chant and commentary, however to see what the actual power of the Boo Hoo really is, I then attended an event called “Craftwise” in Connecticut. There, I distributed and posted the chant and commentary widely around the event to see the reaction. Because the actual source of these pamphlets were hidden, there was no coloring of the source to damage the message. Later I found myself in an elevator hearing two women discussing a workshop they were attending. On was saying to the other “At first I though he actually had something to say, then as time rolled by I figured out he was little more than a Boo Hoo”

Both pleased and alarmed, I began to think about a counter measure against such silliness and decided to create special tags for Boo Hoos (see inspiration from the chant). The design was a simple one, the shape of a caution sign with the words “Boo Hoo” in the center. At first I thought it best to offer these to people who were self proclaimed Boo Hoos. I would hand them a flier and if they laughed, I suggested they “submit” (a term that often got somewhat of a shock, only to find I was asking them to write a special document that they made up about the Boo Hoos and become experts on the subject) but in fact I found this was asking too much and I placed the project on ice.

As of late, I decide to re-ignite the Boo Hoo Amulet with a call to all who find themselves self made experts and wish to shout from the roof tops their wisdom and knowledge of (insert what ever here). And so, for your pleasure and gratification, I am not re-releasing the Boo Hoo Amulet. Wear with pride and honor, knowing your are what you make yourself to be and what you can convince others to believe. For Boo Hoos Everywhere.

If you wish to get your own Boo Hoo Amulet, please go to my special Boo Hoo page in my site.

The Genesis of the Klu Fairy

Posted by Amulets by Merlin on September 27, 2015

Posted in: Amulets, Clueless, Help for the Clueless, Humor, Jewelry design. Tagged: Amulets by Merlin, Clue by Four, clue coin, Clue Fairy, Clueless, houmor jewelry, humor amulets, Starwood. 1 Comment

In the mid Nineties
I attended a festival called “Starwood”
located in upper state New York.
This festival is a celebration of counter cultures of all kinds,
what ever branch of tree you are up in.
They celebrate life through dance, song, drumming, body painting,
costumes and what have you,
pure fun – for most of us.
Some folks consider it a refuge for the Clueless…

One of the problems we face in our lives
when we choose to work in environments
where people are on vacation.
I discovered this early when I worked in Yosemite in my youth:
people on vacation had spent the better part of a year
grinding away at their jobs
and finely have a week or two to blow off some steam
only to discover that when they packed their suitcase,
the usually forget their common sense.

Starwood is a prime example of this:
only to an extreme.
Perhaps it is the kind of tension we carry within ourselves
while we work so hard only to find release when we have time off.
Perhaps it is the opportunity to spend a few care-fee days
without having to punch a clock.
Perhaps it is because Starwood has a huge bar that never seems to close
(although I actually saw it closed on several occasions,
only to discover that people have bottles stashed in their tents).

Never the less
I found myself for several years attending Starwood,
each year
more and more silliness occurred
in high fashion and full color.
After setting up my booth and living space
(we spent two weeks there,
attending the festival that is the week before Starwood:
Sirius Rising, more of a family event than Starwood)
only to discover that because of the contour of the field
people mistook the break between my tents
as a pathway to the restroom.

Through the day and night
folks stumbled through our encampment,
sometimes even waking through our camp fire
to find relief.
After a couple of days of this and following much debate,
M’Lady Tony decided:

~ she had had enough ~

She sought out a large stick and wrote with a heavy marker
KLU by 4
and drove it into the middle of the now worn path
and glared at the first attempted trudging through our encampment.
The second attempt was made by an unwary,
yet fully bladdered man
only to find M’Lady step up
and threaten him with a sound beating
with a Clue-by-four.
This did not go un-noticed.
I had tried to appease her with a few words
about the vacationing man and his lack of brains in his luggage,
but to no avail.
She was Determined!
Later she decided to post a guard at our “gate”:
a small waif of a girl in a fairy costume
planted herself across the path with the clue-by-four across her knees
and a scowl that would send most smart people running.
There were several people over the days ahead
who found themselves being herded about with the stick
and eventually
(the last two days of such “coaxing”)
we were able to have a meal in our encampment
without dirt flying into our food
due to a hast trip to the lue.

I was Inspired.

The Clue Fairy Amulet

In ’95
(or there-a-bouts)
I introduced to my line of Jewelry
“The Clue Fairy”
She is a tiny yet well detailed creature with tattered wings,
a baseball cap turned around on her head
and shouldering the Clue-by-Four:
ready to give you a clue!
However
I felt that it was not enough.
I also created the Clue Coin.

The Clue Coin

A tiny coin of some girth and a portrait of a clueless “DUDE”
(sometimes referred to as the “Dude Coin”).
Although it is only good for half a clue,
it is well worth carrying.
Many have found that by holding the clue coin on them
they are armed against their offspring:
“Dad, you simply don’t have a clue!”
but indeed they are wrong!
Present them with the coin to prove it!
If you use three coins to roll the I Ching,
you already start with a clue and a half:
fortune is already smiling on you!

Over the past many years
the stories of the clue fairy have become legendary.
I have been able to offer help for the clueless
at science fiction conventions,
festivals and gatherings
through-out the eastern seaboard.
Doing my part to raise the bar
or perhaps waive the clue-by-four about
for those in need!

Other Silly Amulets may be seen at the
Humor Page
created and developed
by Kirk McLaren
of Amulets by Merlin

Merlin’s Coin for the Clueless

Posted by Amulets by Merlin on August 4, 2015

Posted in: Clueless, Humor. Tagged: bronze coin, clue by 4, Clue by Four, Clueless, Clueless Jewelry, Clueless talisman, KLU, klu by 4, klu by four, Klu Fairy, protect from clueless, the Dude. Leave a comment

A small bronze coin appears only to be the size of a dime,
but contained here in holds magical powers.
It is said
(by those who speak of such things)
the bearer of such a coin
has half a clue
as to what is going on in the world around them.
To verify this
One only needs to turn over the coin to discover
the face of the Dude
the incantation of the Clueless
inscribed on the piece is:
“Good for half a KLU”.

The Clue Coin

Originally suggested by the Klu Fairy,
this coin holds the potent Powers of Clueness,
something highly coveted by those in the know,
or the “Clued”.

Many of us that have reached an age
where the younger folks look to us
as if we are completely out of touch with reality,
unable to check email,
perhaps understand the “lingo” the Kids are speaking these days.
Personally
when I tell a person
“Thou art Groovy”,
I get the look as if they are telling me
“You haven’t a clue…”

Yes, I have been blessed
(a number of times)
by the Klu by Four of the sacred Klu Fairy,
(and I still have bruises)
but to keep her long lasting wisdom,
this small talisman carried with the rest of my coins
has given me the “pass”
I need so dearly with these younger whipper-snappers.

I would recommend the Dude Coin to any parent who has teenagers
or works with folks who are “missing something”
but don’t know what it is
to carry such a coin to protect One
from the accusation of cluelessness.

Note the coin itself:
see the face,
the slack jaw,
the look of be-befuddlement in the eyes?
(some have suggested it a self portrait;
but just to be clear I do have a mustache…)
the Dude is indeed:
Clueless.
Well,
never fear,
the keeping of this coin
(see back)
is worth half a clue;
you never need feel out of touch
nor not in the know.
Demonstrate to your friends that you have half a clue:
whip it out and show ‘em!

It also comes in a three pack
(even five-pack):
in this manor you can consult the I-Ch’ing with the clue coins,
thus beginning with a clue and a half even before you start.
You can offer the “extras” to your friends
share the wealth of wisdom.
Yea, verily,
the Klue Coin has so many uses and applications
One can never assess them all
– with out a coin that is…

May the Klu Fairy be merciful
and leave relatively painless knots of wisdom on your brain pan!
May the Dude Himself smile down upon you
and give you peace.

To get your coins for the Clueless
please visit my Clue Coin Page

See more funny stuff from Merlin on my Humor Page

Merlin’s Boo Hoo Amulet

Posted by Amulets by Merlin on February 18, 2015

Posted in: Amulets, Clueless, Help for the Clueless, Humor. Tagged: Boo Hoo, Clueless, Humor Jewelry, Hyperbole, know-it-all, Silly amulets, silly jewelry, silly pendants. Leave a comment

In my youth I was surrounded by Educators: both of my parents were teaching in Collages and Universities. Because of this I grew to know a number of professors who acted as if they knew everything, and to a youngster it seemed true. There were a number of occasions when at a social gathering of one sort of another I would overhear conversations between these giants of knowledge only to learn there were conflicts between their opinions as to what was “true”. After over hearing many of these over the years I became suspicious as to whether these human embodiments of Wisdom were actually fallible or not. Eventually I pulled my Father aside as asked him about it.

“Well, Son (My Father considered me so bright, he called me “Son”) there are some who know and some who think they know and raise their voices to shout down their inner voices telling themselves they aren’t sure.” Hence forth, I usually took those who raise their voices in debate as folks who are busily trying to convince themselves they are right.

In my adulthood I found a great number of “experts” who tend to voice a topic they either invented or hijacked and became authorities on the subject. I recall a friend of mine referring to these noble birds as “Boo Hoos” and thus the name stuck with me, it tended to become a reference to those who tend to make up stuff as they went along, rather than gleaning wisdom from a reliable source.

When I was on the circuit (attending festivals, events and gatherings of all kinds) I came across a great number of folks who anointed themselves as “experts” on a variety of subjects, mostly Metaphysical and Spiritual, thus the term “Boo Hoo” wound up dressed in Robes and carrying various accoutrements of a noble station. Personally I was concerned because not only they, but a host of other people took them seriously. Much like the self made gurus of the ’60s and ’70s, these “Boo Hoos” became prevalent and nearly worshiped by the uninitiated and inexperienced.

The Boo Hoo Amulet

One night at a science fiction convention called “SheVaCon” (located in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia) I found myself keeping company with my good friend Troy and a bottle of Scotch. We were well into our cups by that time and the subject of the Boo Hoo came up. I attempted to explain the idea to him and low and behold he understood the concept and became a Boo Hoo himself. Like Magic he looked at me with eyes of wisdom and understanding, opened his mouth and sang:

“I am Boo Hoo
I’m all Knowing
I am Speaking
Hot air Blowing
You are Listening
My head Growing
I am Boo Hoo
I am Teaching
Explaining all things
I am Reaching
Inventing new facts
Truth is screeching
I am Boo Hoo
I am Learning
Hearing my errors
My face burning
Students Returning
Stomach churning.

I was speechless. The melody was of a chant I was well familiar with, the words flowed out of him as if it was a well memorized incantation of Wisdom. I had no choice but to ask him his magical name (most Boo Hoos have magical names of one sort or another); and thus he spake unto me his sacred name The Great Sakima.

I was floored, the song ringing in my ears ever since.

Upon returning to my home (and sobriety) I was lost in though and imagined there was a need of greater understanding. I then began the commentary on this most sacred song (most sacred text and songs need a commentary: it is how one person highjacks another’s holy words and adopts them for their agendas). Deep into the night I wrote the translations of these phrases and came up with this:

A Commentary on the Chant of the Boo Hoo